


Golden Opportunity

by MaatMons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Giraffes are Disgusting, Quadrant Troubles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaatMons/pseuds/MaatMons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Shansi Therum, and you're about to engage in a little breaking and entering… for love!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden Opportunity

Your name is Shansi Therum, and you're about to engage in a little breaking and entering… for love! You're crouched in the shadows behind the house of the troll you're destined to be with, Triana Amelus. 

You turn to your friend, Vicuna, who is standing next to you in a more _nonchalant_ manner that you think befits a covert mission. But whatever, he's got your back, and that's what counts! 

"Thanks for coming along." you say. "This blackout is the perfect opportunity to get ready to introduce myself to Triana." 

"This seems like a lot of trouble to go through just to ask a girl out." He grumbles, before his expression softens into a wistful smile. "I can see why you're into her though. It's fitting that her lusus is a camel, because, mmm, those humps!" 

Yes, those humps indeed. "When I ask her out," you explain, "I want the _maximum possible_ chance of success. That means gathering intel. Now come on! The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get acquainted with Triana's lovely lady lumps!" 

"You know, you never did tell me what the plan actually is." 

Ah yes, the plan. You're pretty proud of this one. "Well, I've taped this specimen jar to these dowels. I'm going to suspend it underneath the seat of her load gaper. Without any lights, she won't notice it. If I get it positioned right, it will collect a urine sample-"

"Wait," Vicuna cuts you off. He looks troubled, all of a sudden. "Why do you want her pee?" 

You sigh. Vicuna is so ignorant in the ways of love. "Giraffe-dad was giving me dating tips. He says a girl's _way_ more receptive to advances when she's ovulating. So, in order to figure out the best time to put the moves on a lady giraffe, he gets a taste of her pee-"

"You're stealing her pee so you can drink it?" Vicuna interrupts again. 

Gog, can't a guy finish a sentence? "No! I'm stealing her pee so I _chemically analyze_ it." 

"With your tongue?" 

"No!" Damn it, you barely even mentioned pee drinking, and now that's all he can focus on. "Head in the game! I need you to create a diversion around front while I-" 

Off to your left, you hear the sound of a window sliding open. Triana leans her delightfully-curved upper body out, and turns that perfect face towards you. 

"What the hell are you two doing?" she asks. 

Crap! This was not how your first conversation with her was supposed to go! 

If Vicuna cares that the operation has been blown, he doesn't show it. He seems lost in thought. "Do trolls even ovulate?" he wonders aloud. "I mean, except the mother grub?"


End file.
